beaut1ful princess d1sorder <3

bpd is one of the most embarrassing mental disorders cuz like why am i sobbing my soul out cuz he texted in a different tone than usually (he didnt, im just insane <3).

why is feeling more exhausting than running up stairs for an hour. you can feel like 5 million feelings in one split second and not settle for a single one. sometimes i wanna smash my head against a brick wall until the broken part of my brain slips out and i can finally chill the fuck out for once. imagine making a whole ass bloody mess, crying as if the world is ending and 30 min later its like a switch that gets flipped and your sitting there being like "man, now im hungry, imma order some food lolz" as if nothing ever happened?? once you have ur bpd downers its like a mini psychosis if you believe it or not. not everyone with bpd is the same of course so not everyone will relate. and no matter what you do, it will always come back and everytime it feels like the world is actually ending. i never know when i act or when my bpd acts for me. its like ur living with a little demon in your head and in your heart. its like another person taking over. thats when you "split". you split into this little demon and you can only watch whats gonna happen but u cant take over the control. 
besides that, you can feel love in any kind of way or happiness much deeper. not everything is bad about this disorder, but sadly most of it.

i wish i was rich at least.