(TW) i think i need to be admitted to a mental hospital

the other day i bit my favourite person on the arm cuz i got mad because he was setting boundaries. not because i dont want him to set boundaries with me, im glad he is, but i wanted something from him really badly. i still feel bad but whatever.

every day im getting more and more violent. im a really peaceful and understanding person so i dont know why im doing this. i playfully kick my friends sometimes or i pretend to kick them but just kick the air. with no intention to hurt them obviously. but recently, my mental energy has been so low that i dont know how to deal with anger or being disapproved. i was never good at being told that im not doing something right.

but yeah, basically, ive been kicking my favourite person in the legs (same guy that i bit, how is he sticking around?) and tugging his hair. i mean it in a playful way usually, to get his attention when i want more attention. but today he annoyed me because he said he wasnt gonna wait ten minutes for my (important) meeting with my friends for a project weve been looking forward to start. we found each other after the meeting was over (it usually takes the whole lunch so he was lucky i wasnt busy all lunch with it) but when we were at my locker, i kicked him and started telling him how hes been pissing me off. 

at the end of the day, i was so fvcking tired and done with everyone. he and i walked through our usual door. i was feeling kinda happy cuz we were hanging out again (hes my fp after all) and yoinked his hair lightly. not even a tug, more like playing with his hair as we walked. he told me to stop cuz it hurt but i was already mid tug so he thinks i pulled his hair an extra two or three times.

im worried that im getting more violent when someone doesnt like what i do. advice needed. i think i belong in a mental facility cuz i swear im becoming a threat to those around me

i hate myself