I miss my ignorant childhood

I miss my ignorant childhood, the last time I was ever oblivious to the world and it's problems was in 2019. Because 2020 and it's pandemic gave 11 year old me an extreme reality check; that I can't waltz into a new year expecting everything to be as great as last year. Because I'll inevitably get dissapointed, and something like that has been my beliefs for a long time.

I never had to hear or worry about the world's problems as a kid; It feels like no matter how much I try to shut it out, I'm hit with bad news time after time. But this is old news, I"ve lost my faith in humanity a long time ago, and I'll be long dead when the world might start to get better. (keyword: might, I'm betting humanity would end up being a irl recreation of the WALLE movie)

I keep coming back to the old videos I used to love: the ones back in 2016-2018, and it gets painful to watch knowing I can't go back to those times again. I just miss when it felt like everyone my age didn't feel like a complete sack of ass to deal with, though I'm being hypocritical to myself because I'm not any better than the average angsty Gen Z teen girl.

This might sound like a form of escapism if you don't know what I'm talking about: but reality shifting has been my thing since I was 12 years old. At this point I'm considering permashifting/respawning because I can't fucking deal with this world anymore. I've had shitty ass friends; I don't communicate with my family very well; I had to just have coincidentally been born in a large family when I hate people; I make everyone fucking weirded out and uncomfortable with me; My old friends demonize me; Everything I love is either getting shut down, having shitty reboots or flat out entirely changed for the worst; And with all of these news about the world and having to have faith in those goddamn brats called "gen alpha" being the adults in 10 years I rather die and be 6ft under before or when I turn 19 if I can't succesfully shift. Don't you fucking dare say "It will get better" I've heard that shit for years, WHEN??

I don't want to ever go through the 2020s again, but the 2030s and beyond sound shitty aswell. I rather just be trapped in an infinite timeloop of the 2010s, that resets back to 1/1/2010 when it hits midnight on 12/31/2019. I know that sounds like some black mirror type sounding desired reality; but I know that I like the 2010s and I was most happiest in that time, so I rather stay in that little bubble rather than ever travel beyond 2019 in that ideal reality, because I know on the other side I'll lose that childhood bliss.