Hey... I'm doing really bad

Just woke up and my wife has been going through a rough day and I don't even know where she is now... I hate myself. I hate that I can't be here for her all the time. She is currently in russia so her time is 4 whole hours ahead, it's so painful...

I hate that I'm such an awful partner.

Thinking about suicide but I know that would just make things 100 times worse so it's just gonna be a bloody day I guess. My mental health has been rapidly worsening lately and I just don't know what to do,

I'm lost.