feeling incompetent

"Feeling Stuck: Navigating Incompetence and Growth at 20"

At 20, you're supposed to have your whole life ahead of you, right? But what happens when the life you're building starts to crumble, and you find yourself unpacking boxes in your childhood bedroom, moving back in with your dad? It's a cocktail of emotions: embarrassment, relief, and, at its core, an overwhelming sense of incompetence.

Society often paints your twenties as the golden years. They’re supposed to be filled with independence, adventure, and building the foundation for your future. For me, they've been... complicated. While friends post about college degrees, internships, and first apartments, I find myself wondering where I went wrong.

Moving back in with my dad wasn’t in the plan. It feels like admitting failure, even though I know it’s not. Financial struggles, a tough job market, and the reality of being thrown into adulthood without a manual made it clear: I needed a reset. Yet, the guilt and self-doubt are hard to shake. Every time I hear “You’re so young, you have time,” I can't help but feel like I’m running a race where everyone else is miles ahead.

The Hard Truth About Feeling "Incompetent"

Feeling incompetent isn’t just about what you’ve done—or haven’t done. It’s about the expectations you place on yourself. I catch myself comparing my life to everyone else’s highlight reel. What’s worse is that I know how damaging this mindset is, but stopping it feels impossible. I constantly think, Why couldn’t I handle things better? Why do I need help when others don’t seem to?

Moving back home comes with its own set of challenges. It’s humbling to rely on your parent for a roof over your head after tasting independence. Suddenly, the "adulthood" you were so proud of feels like it was ripped away, replaced with old routines and awkward family dynamics. You feel like a kid again, but with the weight of adult responsibilities and disappointments crushing down on you.

Finding Hope Amidst the Chaos

Here’s what I’m learning, though: This feeling of incompetence is part of the journey. It doesn’t define me; it’s just a chapter. If anything, it’s teaching me resilience and self-awareness—something I probably wouldn’t have learned without hitting this roadblock.

Moving back in with my dad has given me space to reflect. It’s reminded me that life doesn’t follow a linear path. The "perfect timeline" doesn't exist. My dad, who’s seen me at my best and worst, often says, “You’re not stuck—you’re growing.” At first, I hated hearing it. Now, I’m beginning to understand what he means.

Being 20 and living at home isn’t the end of the world, even if it feels like it. It’s a pause, not a stop. It’s a chance to reframe my goals, focus on the things I can control, and redefine what success looks like for me. Maybe I’m not supposed to have it all figured out yet. Maybe this is the messy, uncomfortable part where real growth happens.

Giving Yourself Grace

If you’re in a similar spot, here’s what I want to tell you: Give yourself grace. You’re not a failure for needing help, for taking a step back, or for feeling like you’re not where you "should" be. Growth isn’t linear, and neither is success.

Take this time to focus on small victories. Learn new skills, explore interests you’ve put on the back burner, and embrace the support system you have. It’s okay to stumble—just don’t stop moving forward.

Being 20 is hard. Life is unpredictable. But this chapter is just that: a chapter. It doesn’t define your story, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re incompetent. You’re just figuring it out, one step at a time—just like the rest of us.

Do you relate to this? I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Let’s remind each other that we’re not alone in this journey. 💬