Just a bit of a vent...

so a bit bored and was just thinking. I've been trying to work towards being more independent and getting better at certain other aspects of my life. although, it's been hard and i haven't felt a feeling of accomplishment like i should be feeling. i'm most comfortable just sitting around and doing nothing, occasionally going out to walk, window shop or just to enjoy being outside for a brief moment as long as im with someone. i've been feeling so disappointed in myself because everyone around me has been so happy that i've been making progress in being more independent but it almost feels like that isnt what i want... 

its silly how i want to just be taken care of, to not worry about any adult or wordly issues and just be able to keep my routine that i'm in right now. it's comfortable and secure and trying to disrupt it is intimidating and scary :(. its silly how i want someone who wont ever get bored of me and cheat on me with someone else behind my back and then adandon me as if im trash to be throw away... 

it feels really childish to feel like this but its hard for me to express it since i dont want everyone to be disappointed or tell me i have to start growing up. ive been told it too many times and its pretty soffocating. 

i have a bit more to say but ill stop here so im not writing a whole book ha...