changes i want before i move on to tertiary education

CW: Self-harm mentions

I have one month left before I slowly start walking towards turning 17 and yet I still feel as if I do not have much control over my life. My family is religious and I'm the obvious black sheep. I cannot do anything about my faith, and whether I believe or not would be my father's problem until I die or get married. Even self-harm, something I use for control over myself, seems to be more controlled by others. I feel indescribably trapped within my body and circumstances and slowly I want to and I will claw my way out for an ounce of guiltless freedom.

So here are some things I want to change before I move on to the next part of my life:

- Piercings (Specifically snake bites/lip rings and septum. Perhaps an eyebrow piercing too)

- Tattoos (I have one I did myself on my chest. I'm thinking of getting a tramp stamp the moment I turn 18)

- My hair will go through as many length and colour changes as I physically can

- To be able to let go anytime, anywhere because there are so many feelings and thoughts weighing me down and pulling me into depression

- Wear my scars out in public and let them heal because seeing other people with self-harm scars makes me feel so seen and I always tear up because I see them and I see you and it's difficult to put to words but they bring me so much comfort

And in a similar sense, grow to accept the scars on my limbs, like a big FUCK YOU to everyone who hurt me because I'M STILL STANDING