🦇 Chronic Illness, Pain & Agony, The Silent Killer. November 20th 2024 🦇

Living my life, most of my life I’ve had many health issues. Many surgeries, health complications- you name it. As I’m getting older my conditions worsen, and new conditions arise. I’d give anything to be normal. To wake up everyday feeling good, to end my day feeling anything but tired. The major conditions I’ve faced in my life don’t, and havent made me stronger, they have drained me. Just completely tore me into pieces. I’ve defeated cervical cancer, but have Hidradenitis Supperativa, Endometriosis, Chronic debilitating migraines (tension/cluster migraines to be specific) High cholesterol thats hereditary thats now given me clogged arteries and I just found out I have a polyp in my sinus. It’s not the first time I’ve ever had a polyp. I’ve had many colonoscopies in my life (8) due to IBS and colitis, and one time they found polyps that came back benign for cancer in my colon. Since they found polyps there, that means I have to get a colonoscopy every 5 years to check for polyps, and get them checked for cancer, just in case they do go from benign to cancerous. 

I also within the last 3ish years have started losing my teeth for some god awful reason. No dentist or doctor can give me a reason why. Tests cant even explain it either. Diet changes, physical changes, medication changes, no matter that I personally do to help better myself it’s never enough for this stupid body of mine. On top of all of these ongoing health issues it really takes a toll on my mental health. I get anxious due to all the changes I see happening to me, along with all the things that’s NOT working with me. I get depressed over being in pain all the time with little or no relief for long periods of time. Like I said in the beginning, this is all really draining. 

I am a stay at home mom to a special needs child, and it’s SO HARD to be my 100% for him when I’m feeling like I’m gonna have a stroke or my muscles are so tight, spamming or I have a migraine that could take out an entire army. I want to run, play, and not have to worry about needing to take a break 10 minutes in or worrying about overdoing it so I can have enough energy to STILL be here during the day. The less time I have to recover, the more I can be here for my son. I hate being on all these medications, going to all these therapies and just feeling so broken and nothing is changing. I’m just as disabled as my kid is, just in a different way. I have to take care of the both of us. I’m not complaining abut taking care of him, i signed up for this, what makes it harder is being chronically ill ALL THE TIME when all I want is to be is normal to be at my BEST for my child. Be at my best for ME.

My HS, well, it has no cure, my high cholesterol can be managed by diet, but I’ve been trying and it’s been hard. My doctor wont put me on meds because I’m too young. Dentists wont pull my teeth and give me dentures because, guess what?- I’M TOO YOUNG. I have a ENT appointment for a consult for he polyp in my sinus in January. I don’t know what the treatment they are going to do for it. I should of been having a shot come into the pharmacy to inject myself with to help with my migraines, and last time my neurologist prescribed them to me, I never got it. I had my follow-up appointment with him and he was shocked I got the run-around about it and re-sent the prescription and said I shouldn’t experience no more hardships getting it… but here I am again… Still never got it. If this shot doesn’t work, the next treatment for the migraines is Botox injections. I cant start that form of treatment until I try the shots first…. If I ever get them. I’m planning on going back into therapy, more so to see an actual psychiatrist; because I’m tired of the trial and errors of medications. I want to be properly assess and diagnosed and properly medicated with the right kind of meds. 

This is a frustrating way of living life. It’s hard to be positive all the time, to enjoy life and the things IN life when you’re suffering 100% of the time, and you have to pretend you aren’t.. for the sake of you children and loved ones. I really hope that one day I can have ost of my chronic illnesses managed, and I can find some sort of comfort down the road. I want to be able to enjoy my life too, as a mom, a wife, a living person. To be able to live in some peace and comfort would me a blessing. 

With these Chronic Illnesses, Pain & Agony, it’s definitely The Silent Killer.