I'll never see the same leaves on that tree again.

The leaves fell today, it was only this morning that they were all tethered to the tree in the yard. Morality lingers on my mind, and as time keeps going it seems to be the only thing that sticks forever.

 I walked outside today and was met by Shian, her eyes are covered by fog, but the way she looks at me still gives light to the youth that is encapsuled inside her frail body. I don't remember her when she was young, but it hurts me to think about how shes always remembered me.

 The addition of our youngest dog kind of makes me sad sometimes. She's only been here for almost a year, and I can't think about how circumstances around her have changed compared to how it's changed to us. I feel bad how she spends all her time outside alone now without my Dad being the only person who was with her all day, since she was a puppy. Now she just has Shian, which when beside her just reminds me of how much time has passed. I wonder how life would be without any sort of concept of time. Simply waiting for whatever happens next, until you go to sleep and wake up with what feels like a fresh start.

This house only seems to get older and darker. These familiar walls are white but seem to only get colder. Maybe it's just the absence of presence that brings my attention to them. Maybe they serve as a canvas sort of, which brings my eye to the people that stand in front of them. 

I think of the warmth of summer, how the air around my skin was warm, and the sun stung. I would like to have listened to the shimmering shutter of the leaves again, which engulfed all the sounds in the world, and to have felt the wind when it was warm.

I think about how I was outside staring at the sunset smoking. I like how in that moment, the only thing I focused on was how the clouds glowed, and made swirls in the sky. I like the feeling of being in the moment, forgetting what's ahead of me, just looking and feeling. 

I don't know, I don't like how this year went, but I remember the moments by myself and with others that seemed to make up the entirety of the year. Everything changes, but it just sucks I guess. I probably gotta go drink some water or go watch some TV or something, but the pull of thought is tiring to ignore. Life is more fun without thought, living in the moment should be all that we need to worry about. Moreso, life should be lived without the dread of the future and time. But even just being in the moment only reminds me of the time that I'll never get back, and how I'll never be able to live in that experience the same ever again.

Derp ;-;

(I'm sorry I needed to end on a light note forgive me)