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Every goddamn day feels like another day of just trying not to lose my mind
I can't figure this out
I can't figure myself out
I don't know if that's what she needs or wants to hear
I can't just tell her that I'm just afraid of being so... fucking, like...
I don't know.
What I do know is that she wants to know what I think of her.
But how.
I've put her on a pedestal.
Thinking that she's literally deserves the whole world and is the greatest person I've ever met, when she's not.
She's flawed.
But that still doesn't change the way I feel about her.
I still love her and all.
A lot.
/platonically
But the things I've said.
I mean, they weren't necessarily what I thought about her.
They were all just actions she did that I wanted to point out.
But they don't exactly define what I think of her.
Or what I feel about her.
I don't fucking care if she may be randomly moody at times or something,
or if she has tendencies to jump from one person to another to talk about things,
I still love her and all.
It's not "possessiveness." That's something I wanna clear up.
It's just...
I don't trust what she says to me.
One, because my nonexistent self-esteem won't allow it,
and two, she has a lot of people.
She's called me her "best friend," which, okay, I appreciate that a lot; a little scary, not gonna lie. And that should be proof of what she thinks of me, right?
But I just can't help but wonder if she talks about me to everyone else, like how she talks about others to me.
And what if she's actually been lying to me?
And now, I'm pretty sure it's been like that.
Or wait, no. It's not really like that.
Was it?
I don't know. I mean she just said how she's been feeling left out and all.
And how I've been taking her for granted,
and how I think highly of myself,
and how we've been all she had,
and how I felt like straws,
straws?
yeah
okay.
okay.
okay.
breathe
I need to stop typing like actually
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