Yeah..getting over ur first wlw relationship is hell

So for some context I had my very first ever relationship at the ripe age of 19. I spent all of my highschool years dreaming of having a lover, especially as a lesbian with straight friends. Watching all your friends get into relationships so easily makes you yearn for it. 

When I mean yearn for I mean it on such a deep level I cant even articulate it because boiling it down to a few words wouldn't convey the severity of it.

For a little more context the relationship only lasted 2 months LMAO but weve been friends for 3 years prior. (sad that im reacting this way yes but you gotta understand the things we did felt like literally fairy tail and im sad touch deprived lesbian so...give a girl some grace)

When my ex broke up with me I was genuinely DEVESTATED. I never really drank or smoked but started abusing the fuck outta that shit. Stopped eating for a fat while, (we good tho got back to healthy eating) got my nipples pierced (idk cunt ass decision lowkey LMAO) just started doing shit I never used to do not to mention working literally 7 days a week all to forget her. (did not work btw)

But anyway, I loved her the best I could, I mean she was my first after all. I did everything in my power to be the best version I could be for her and the funny thing is that when she broke up with me I told her Id be okay and just need like 3 days to cry and get over it (it was indeed NOT 3 days, its been 4 months).

Sometimes when I think about the first month of the breakup I be thinkin it really aint that deep, but it was. To me, it was everything in that moment. For the first time in my 19 years of living she gave me everything I was dreaming for and more. She showed me I can love and BE LOVED.

I don't cry about it as much anymore but getting over someone you love so much is such a funny thing. I'm starting to forget the little bits and pieces I know I still loved about her but even the simplest things stick.

Ill see the sun set on my way home from work and Ill feel her by my side caressing my hand with her thumb as we watch in silence.

Sometimes I wonder if she still thinks of me when she sees papayas (my fav fruit).