‎‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ 𝓱ow to forget

November 19, 2024

I dont want you but I cant stop thinking about you, I dont know why.  Ive forced my mind and my body to completely block you out and throw out and and all feelings for you, but I keep thinking about you.  I fear I will spend the rest of my life struggling to wipe you from my thoughts,  I feel sometimes that if I sleep long enough that I will soon forget you.  Wakeup with a new mind thats cleared like a blank canvas, but thats not how it works.  I can't make myself understand that this isn't going to work;  that no matter how hard I try, you will always sit in the back of my head, haunting me.  Haunting not so much in a bad way, but in a way that rips my heart apart and pains me.  

I feel as if I threw myself away the moment I stepped away, I threw so much away in hopes to gather up something new.  I feel like a burden by being a mere structure of bones and flesh.  To rip my hair out hard enough to where it drags me to hell down is unrealistic;  this feels like the afterlife of hell,  what could i have done in my past life that brought me to this hell.  I hope he considers me a good part of his life,  even though I feel like I wasn't.

Ive been remembering my dreams lately at night,  they've been so vivid.  I've been waiting to spot you in one, and hope I stay asleep forever to stay bonded with you.  Even if I dont love you.

one year ago today, I felt rough lips.