hypocrite

Recently I watched a video by Drama Queen ( australian Youtuber with a fanatsic mindset) about how the word "cringe" has been weaponized and used abainst people enjoying life. For example making fun about people filming tiktoks in public and having fun with friends. Drama Queen then gave another example which made me think. How even in the alternative community we quickly call someone " cringe" or "faker" when they dont fit the cookiecutter form of the subculture. They also asked the viewer why we think its ok to post pictures online of people that are trying to be happy and express themself not the same way as we would. Drama Queen is in the Gothicscene and talked about how hard it is to be individualistic, but why? What happend? I remember how freely I dressed without being concernd how others see me. Back in 2020 I wore ALOT of MHA merch and now I even get red thinking I walked out of the door dressed that. Aswell as JUggalo make up every Weekend to go shopping, IN PUBLIC. Now I am afraid to stick out and people starring at me. Everytime I see pics of me back in 2020 with neon blue hair and eyeshadow applied with my finger, I want to cry. BUt back then I thought I was the coolest person.

After watching the video I thought how even 10 year old me would be dissapointed to see how I try to fit in at the expense of my creativity. They would probably cry seeing I completly destroyed the person they worked so hard on to be, just to fit in. Over the years I could feel how little me grew dissapointet, watching me grow up and slowly having no personality. But in 2020 I could feel the child in me being happy.

Now I am jealous of people with their own personalities and being fearless to be themselfes. I think thats why I used to make fun of them because I am mad they are who they are without being ashamed.

One day I hope I can be as col as them