november 18 2024

man how do people do this shit bru. i hate being in high school it just. i know how to do the work but my time management is ass so i never get my damn assignments done on time. i'm thinking about quitting my extracurricular choir honestly and focusing on school before anything else. like i try my hardest to maintain school and the rest of my life equally but it's hard because friendships and relationships and drama take up so much time it's impossible to keep going. 

idk what to do anymore. 

today was extra difficult to get through because it would have been my and my ex-boyfriend's [the one in texas] anniversary and i honestly really miss him. i wish i could tell him but he's got enough to worry about and at this point he doesn't really care about me that much, which i guess is reasonable. like i imagine it really is abnormal to care about your ex almost 9 months after things ended.

and you know what's wrong with me! i can't focus on school because none of it is really anything i'm passionate about. i dont know how to force myself to deal with things i don't care about. i have no self control, it's like a softcore kind of hedonism that takes over my life. how do i fix myself? what did i do wrong? 

things are just getting harder to handle. i wish i could just quit it all.

i can't even figure out what my future will be like. i guess if i continue the way i'm going it's just empty. what is there for a failure? but i want to maybe go to cosmetology school and be a hairdresser...

i wish i knew how to handle things and where to go from here. this is the worst