College is weird. But she’s scarier. (11/18/24)

Okay, real talk—college is full of weird shit. Pop quizzes out of nowhere, overpriced coffee that tastes like regret, and professors who act like their class is the only one we have. But you know what’s even weirder? There’s this girl in my class, and I genuinely don’t know how to handle her.

She’s not like, “Oh, she’s intimidating because she’s mean.” No, no, she’s intimidating because she’s stupidly perfect. Her face? Sharp as hell, distinct, and somehow ridiculously feminine at the same time. Like, imagine someone who looks like they walked out of a freaking oil painting but could also wreck your entire self-esteem with one look (and not even on purpose).

And her voice. Guys, I’ve heard cute voices before, but this? This is on a different level. It’s like every time she says anything, my brain just stops working. It’s not fair. Nobody’s voice should be allowed to sound like that. It’s soft, it’s sweet, and it’s honestly like a personal attack on my ability to think clearly.

But here’s the kicker: we’re MONTHS into the semester, and I’ve only managed to talk to her like… twice. That’s it. Two awkward, barely-coherent interactions because she’s too goddamn scary. Not scary like she’s gonna bite my head off, but scary like I don’t even know what to say to her. What do you even say to someone who’s got you this shook just by existing?!

Do I ask her something random about class? Like, “Hey, what page are we on?” even though I’ve been sitting there the whole time and already know the answer? Or do I just accept my fate as the guy who spends an entire semester admiring her from a very safe, very cowardly distance?

I don’t know, man. All I know is that she’s got the cutest voice I’ve ever heard, and she’s living rent-free in my head because of it.

Send help. Or a personality transplant. Either works.

- W