💚 diary #17 ❤️ 11/17/2024 💚

I'm writing this entry a little early today but that's okay i might go to bed early !!

i had a somewhat eventful today. my cat woke me up at like 6:20 and i was gonna get up at 7:00. i changed my alarm to 7:15 and went back to sleep, and when it went off I thought i hadn't slept yet so i almost missed church lol

anyway i got up and showered quickly and put on my fancy green dress. i felt really pretty actually!!! i think the colour would be one my friend would really really like

anyway me and my family were dressing up for church today as we were going to officially join the church. so we all looked a little nicer than usual. when we got to church i went in the front door with my dad and this super old guy introduced himself to me. it also smelled like someone was cooking food and i got really hungry :( and then when we walked inside the church we went by a group of old women, one of them came over to me and asked me why i haven't been at choir practice. the truth is that i feel insecure about how i look which is ridiculous. God made me the way He wanted and the way i should be and i should be happy with that, but it's hard. another reason is that choir practice is on Wednesday nights which is when ballet class is!!!!

anyways, she said something like "oh is HE the reason you haven't been coming?" Referring to my dad which was so uncomfortable bc that's my dad not my bf and it mede me so unhappy and UGHH and im a lesbian

well anyway church was really long for some reason, someone who wasn't our usual pastor preached today. something from psalm 13 i don't quite remember. despair turning to joy. he also mentioned Hamilton :3 which made me excited 

then we went and talked to our main pastor and he let us join the church and prayed with us and another family also joined, and we stood around in the foyer of the church for a while letting everyone shake out hands and stuff. a lot of them were like "i had no idea you weren't officially members!!" 

a lot of people complimented me on my dress but some of them were old men and idk i don't like that but it was nice to have people say that i guess

uhhh then we went to Costco and my mom said she ust needed an onion but we bought so many snacks 😭 i didn't say anything but i really wanted some stuff. my mom did insist on buying one of my favourite things though: the caramel chocolate marshmallow s'mores things MMMM 

after that me and my dad went to AutoZone and bought something for my car. when we got back i took off my makeup and put on my nutcracker pajamas, and made myself a breakfast sandwich it was SO good and i talked to elfwynn some. 

shayy also posted a new video so i watched that and then started freaking myself out because my back still hurts and feels weird. I made myself some coffee (best i have made in weeks) and asked my parents to come talk to me after their nap. i actually went downstairs to talk to them but the door to their bedroom was closed 😭

sweet lovely elfwynn helped me feel better and my parents said not to worry but they could make an appointment with a doctor or something if it started hurting

it hurts now actually but only when i press down on the area i kept rubbing which my dad told me not to do 😭

my mom was looking around at stuff on my desk while talking to me and she found my deltarune Kandi bracelets and she was like "Who's Susie" UHH NEXT QUESTION PLEASE..... 

anyway i was able to better focus on my school work then. i talked to wynn some more and made some little sliders and listened to the dwellers empty path soundtrack 

then me and my dad put the car part we bought today in my car to get it to work so tomorrow i will be able to take myself to school. i really don't wanna go

ive been feeling anxious more and more recently, and worried, and i just can't calm down. not too sure what's wrong with me or why this happens.

anyway so i went to feed my cat just now and something is wrong with them and idk it's worrying me. we found blood and stuff but it looks like strawberry jelly and idk im SCARED 

so yeah im hoping and praying everything will fix itself, my back, my cat, some relationships.. <0wbn+3j, other stuff..

I hope one of my friends can hang out this weekend. I wanna get some more Christmas stuff before it gets expensive.. i say, wearing Christmas pajamas, drinking from a Christmas cup, burning a Christmas candle, laying on my Christmas pillows, with a Christmas tree in the corner

oh yah i talked to poppy today for some reason she thinks susie would play league of legends and like I Disagree but Okay

felt bad for not responding to IMs today im just really stressed out recently and it's kinda burdening me 

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Listening To: Camellia, Temmie Chang, & Toby Fox - Be Brave!

Mood: Worried 
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