to beloved

---

everyone kept calling me ████

so i need to remind them,

"oh, that must be my sister.

we look very alike, so i get that a lot."

but they only want to talk to ████

so i reminded them again,

"i'm sorry, but she passed away

from an accident a while go."

that usually gets them to stay quiet.

oh, my beloved sister,

all they want is you to come back

they miss you so, so much

but they will never know

how much i hated you

how i wanted you to die

the ways i imagined how to end you

and how i grinned ear to ear

when i watched your eyes fade away

your feet stops kicking

when you laughed as you accepted your fate

we were happy together for once.

it's been a few years since i buried you

secretly in the backyard, beside the plum tree

i still think of you from time to time

don't worry

i took over all of your chores

your studies and your friends

but some days, 

i'd see your face in the mirror,

in the shadows and my belongings.

even the inanimate objects miss you.

it's hard to ignore them some days

after all, we had the same life

same home and same room

same face

same voice

same body

oh, my beloved ████

i think i could never completely kill you

they say that the guilt stays forever

but couldn't bare it anymore

i couldn't bare hearing you

crying, tossing and turning all night

i can't fucking stand it

this is the reason why i hated you

you should thank me for ending your misery.

i don't feel guilty for ending you.

we can sleep safe and soundly now

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