fantasy is falling apart haha

ive always daydreamed about my future, i could have any job and be happy but now that im trying to live out the fantasy its so different. i shouldve expected it and ive always told myself its not gonna bw all fun and games but i really fell for it. life is so ass lol. Its not what i wanted it to be. college is no different from high school btw dont get your hopes up.

Man i just want to build robots, be silly and make friends and maybe even be loved if thats possivble. aauggh >< i dont want to get depressed or eating disorderd again. i shouldve gone to gay art school

the only comfort i can find in this is rhat i can always change what i wanna do. i can always start over and do new things. biggest problem is how i dont want my gender, sexuality or appereance to have an effect on how im treated. which apparently is a very hard thing to ask from people. why cant people be normal? im trying real hard to be normal why cant they.

this was just rambling, kind of went off topic but i guess thats what a blog is?