Suddenly...

When did I stop feeling joy almost all the time?

When did I begin to lose meaning in myself?

When did I forget who I was?

When did it all go wrong? Maybe, it was always wrong...

Suddenly, I'm 13 again, cutting myself every chance I got.

Suddenly, I'm 12 again, planning a suicide.

Suddenly, I'm 11 again, fearing my father would end it so I forced myself to be close to him.

Suddenly, I'm 10 again, in my closet crying over something my dad did, searching up how to be happy.

I'm all these ages and all I can see that, maybe, it was never right. Maybe, it was always wrong. Right..?

Suddenly, I'm 13 again, telling my mum I'm struggling and her covering the cuts with bandages and telling me she loves me.

Suddenly, I'm 12 again, telling some random mental health service about my plans, and them telling my parents so that I could never do that.

Suddenly, I'm 11 again, learning new things about my dad and how cool he is.

Suddenly, I'm 10 again, getting up and deciding to play around with my siblings instead of crying.

When did it all go right? Maybe, it was always right...