i don't want to be selfish.

i want to love and be in love. but i'm frightened that i'll only continue to be hurt. i've never been in a relationship. my naivety and inexperience has been taken advantage of more times in the last year than it ever has before. on one hand, i suppose i needed the lessons, the experiences. i needed to learn not every person is honest and that actions don't always necessarily speak louder than words (sometimes they're at the same volume, even). on the other, it has only made me less trusting and more suspicious. i want to believe that someone will love me for who i am, that there is someone who won't mind my off-putting personality, my inability to be serious, and my overall weirdness, and who won't mind that i'm not the prettiest person out there, but i cannot even begin to fathom that reality. maybe loving me means having to take care of me because deep down, i'm scared and i'm small and i've always had to take care of myself. i've always been hyper-independent. i've always had to do things all on my own. i've never had someone to lean on for support. and everyone already has so much on their plate, so why would they want to add me on top of that? how could i ever be selfish enough to ask that of someone?