looking in the mirror

i love looking in the mirror. i believe i am a beautiful person and i could stare at myself for hours and admire my odd face, but i frequently find that i am filled with an immense sadness everytime i look in the mirror. im not sure why, i just feel that way

things have been a lot recently. my grandfather died last thursday, chocolate fundraising for my orchestra trip has started, one of my close friends was revealed to be homophobic and is avoiding me completely now, and i find myself hating both myself and the people around me more and more everyday

i am a very hateful person, i know this. i find myself easily angered whenever someone does something i dont like or dont think is okay and become upset whenever they refuse to stop or change what theyre doing. because im so close with my family, im quick to yell at them and lash out because i know that they will inevitably forgive me even though, every single time, i refuse to apologize. im trying to be better

good news, ive started working harder in school and i dyed my hair last night. i tried to make it like the aurora borealis

no one ever reads these blogs so im surprised im still writing them. occasionaly, that is