SOCIALIZING AS SOME1 WHO IS NEURODIVERGENT

I think i've always kind of felt different and realized as I got older the way I see socialization is COMPLETELY different 2 others. like I've always despised small talk, especially if u don't like the person ur talking 2. like if some1 would ask how my day is going i'd go into a full on detail about the things I thought & did but then my social cue detector kicks in and I realize they don't actually care & are just trying to be nice. w/o the money to be diagnosed, I've had to really navigate ways to not have my neurodivergence b a reason 4 me to never have friends, which I've come 2 realize the solution is 2 just surround myself with ppl who like me 4 me & who I don't have 2 pretend around. personally, I've always aspired 2 b kind instead of just nice bc (IMO) being nice focuses more on how others perceive some1's niceness rather being kind is something u genuinely want 2 do, no matter if ppl notice it or not. i think when I socialize I aim to make the person I talk feel seen & heard instead of trying to be "nice" and make small talk that I actually don't even care about. now granted, since I am an infj, I can easily switch back and forth between being a very warm and inviting person 2 talk to & also a very withdrawn person so sometimes it becomes hard to socialize when my brain can't handle it, ESPECIALLY considering I have a rbf when I feel intense anxiety which doesn't help my socialization tendencies. I don't know if others feel like this but it was just a thought I had 2 blog about. i think the main thing I aspire to do when socializing is not have ppl feel ignored or feel how I've felt during conversations (sometimes even ppl just talking among themselves w/o acknowledging me) tho I do think sometimes I can tap into my professional persona (the one I've trained myself to have when I become a successful actress/performer or something) where I definitely feel I can be open, approachable and make connections. i just find it funny how we can shift into different personalities based on who we r speaking 2. like each person I've met throughout my life probably has different perceptions of me, where some1 knows me as quiet, another knows me as the loudest mf to exist. just a funny thought 2 me :P