Why can't I be pretty?

I actually hate my face. I want to tear it off, I don't want to exist in my body anymore. I have how fat I am, I hate my face, I hate my heart and how it either feels everything or nothing, like there is no in between and I'm stuck in a constant loop of feeling void and empty or feeling like my feelings are overwhelming and constantly spewing over the edge no matter how little the event or circumstance may be. I'm sick of feeling like there is something wrong with me, Im forever burdened by not fitting in, even with the "outcasts" i'm still too different, I don't mean that in the sense that I think I have some sort of individuality complex but more so in the sense that I'm not accepted anywhere, no one wants to be my friend and Im so ugly so that doesn't even help, I'm sick and tired of living I feel like getting worse but I'm not even good at that.