Rhmmm

Why everytime do i feel like this,like nothing i do matters like if i were to die,nobody would care? I just wanna be happy and pretty and skinnt,i cant think of what i did in my past lives to deserved a life in a mind and body like this but im sorry and im sorry and im sorry. Im sorry for constantly messing up and making people feel bad. I hate being different and ive been prsying since i was 8 ,beghing to be normal. I cpuld wish so many things on my enemies and id never wish that they felt the same way i did..I dont even feel as if i deserved to label how im feeling,my life and bpdy and mind are so pointless,so in the background i feel asif it would be disrespectful to call it depression. And no matter how much i feel that why,i will always envy everyone else..no.matter what situation they are in,i hate it.so.much. i hate poeple who have people that they can vent to and leave feeling better,i hate people who are confrontational, i hate them because they are everything i wanna be but i know ill never be with them..i dont even have the courage to kill myself, thats the worst partxill never feel better and i cant even die