Rant about my fp (losing my mind currently)

I love them so much and it pains me that I can’t tell them that. I know that having such a deep, yet also insanely unstable, connection to them is stressful on their end and I could never do that to them, so I will suffer in silence. I just wish they understood how much of an impact they’ve made on my life. I wish they could see how beautiful they really are. I want nothing more than them, but they are always just out of my reach. I wish they at least knew that they are my fp, so I could more openly express my feelings and insecurities, but I am so utterly terrified of a reaction of disgust and anger. I know that they would most likely not do that, but that small chance that they will scares me more than anything.