floating in the toilet bowl

I think that floating turds in the toilet bowl are a myth I mean cmon HAVE YOU SEEN ONE?!? HAVE YOU??? no. no, you have not seen one. why? because gravity exists. gravity pushes it down to the bottom and there's not a damn thing you can do about it as you realize the inescapable situation you have trapped yourself in. you didn't want this but you have no choice now. you must live with yourself and the horrible choices you've made. you try to forget but it is for nothing because it comes back stronger as you slip further and further into despair. you think that maybe this day is the day where everything comes together and you can finally put all this behind you. you told yourself the same lie last year.

CAN I HAF MY PULITZER PRIZE NOW????