I'm done with life

I'm done with life

I'm done because my life is just a pushed asided joke, a old cringy meme. People make fun of everything of me, my hair, my voice, my looks, my age, my language, anything for them to be pleased and satified to make my day worse. I go to a shitty school that treats me like shit and treats my only 4 friends like shit. The school is full of sporty snitch asshole bitchs that just say typical american accents like "shaka brah" or using the gestures for "shaka brah" and they some of them taunt me for making a scooby doo song 5 years ago... 5 FUCKING YEARS AGO I'm fucking 15 now and they still have a wet dream by calling my name like "What's up scooby doo?"

I'm in a gay ass European Union and worst in the british isles, out of all 195 countries in the world my parents chose the british isles. The houses are all glued together, they the houses all colorless and ugly and very expensive because someone lobotomized the government here and thought it was a good idea to give actual cardboard in return. Alleyways are actually non-existent here, getting onto a rooftop is like winning a lottery here. I want to be free but how can I be free when the politics here demolish and/or block off any and all abandoned places and spots to chill out. There was soo many I could hang out in my hometown but when I was old enough to go on my own... the fucking place relocated and it was beside the fucking abandoned warehouse BESIDE.

And now, they demolished the last standing abandoned place that you could've hanged out in and they placed barbed wire near the hole in the fence with more barbed wire, dirt, branches where you can go to the train tracks.

Oh and I forgot to mention WE DON"T HAVE CHAIN LINKED FENCES HERE, only rarely but we have the mostly have the most high quality wiith irish made and founded steel palisade fence. I fucking HATE palisade fences, you can't break though them and have very pointy and sharp tops so you can't go over or though nor under lol.

The school hasn't been updated or modernized since the 1970's, literally, the old paint and the cold brick stones outside and inside haven't changed since 3 generations later. The school spent 3,000 to change the windows gray borders to black borders... our speakers aren't working, our heaters aren't working and they had an amazing fucking idea to replace our decent windows to black windows???? wtf???? Oh yeah we also have outfits THAT I HATE, and the npc teachers shout and scream at you if you have a t-shirt that isn't white underneath the cumstained outfits. Oh yeah speaking of which, the teachers here have literally no childhoods, I believe they just were made into a teacher and nothing else, if you you're late to school or class you get into huge problems because you were 1 or 3 minutes late to a bitch of a teacher? Why do they know everything about you but if you ask them their age or nationally, they become butt-hurt and scream at you for asking such iNaApRoPrIaAe qUeStIoNs like stfu, you gave us the worst homework to do to waste more hours after I spent like 7 or 6 hours in school and I'm wasting 2 more hours on homework while you're counting your fucking money at home for doing giving out work and get angry if I don't do it on time, property or even at all.

I'm trapped in a fucking island in a shitty town with people that I think despite me. I just want to go to America. I always wanted to, I look up to it as hope, as a reason to keep pushing forward. I know it's not perfect there like illegal immgrants, school shooters, gangsters etc etc. It's a big country with big problems but I just want to experience what you guys experienced, I don't want to be here, when I was like 6 to 10 years old I thought the British Isles was the best but now I just experienced the harsh reality. I always want to go to a Walmart or Target or a 7/11 or a Wendy's or a Arby's or whatever, I always want to be free, free from people controling me like my parents and robot teachers and such.

But I'm losing hope guys, real fast, what happens if I can't get my life onboard like.. have a purpose. There's no real fast end to this really, no guns, trains too slow and too rare, buildings too short and have SAFETY MEASURES WOAAHHH AMAZING, can't go on rooftops, nooses are too expensive now and take too long to die peacefully, you can't buy pills or drugs or alcohol if you're under 18 or 21 or whatever. I almost never have money so I just steal donuts or brownies from the bakery and eat it quick in a lonely alley and using blind spots to avoid the cameras chomping shit in my mouth, I wanted to steal booze and beer but they had gay ass auto doors and more cameras to prevent people like me access to wine and such, I never vaped and only smoked a smoke once and it didn't give me any nicotine rush, it was kinda cool really it made me look like a rockstar like Kurt D Cobain or something lmao.

I don't know anymore, I got 3 summers left until I'm 18 and I don't know what I should do anymore, school isn't my thing anymore, it's just old strangers called "teachers" shitting in your mouth and expecting beautiful and flawless work after they wipe up the shit infront of you. I'm not saying that all the teachers are "robots" or "npcs" and  some are really chill and cool like my science teacher but most of the school is just full of douches who think that their the best out of the group.

I mostly cause trouble in school like chogging toilets, sparying water at people's lockers that were douches etc etc, maybe I should light matchs and make a mark on the ceiling or even cause a fire alarm lmao.

It's just the school being so fucking dull and strict, you can't even have phones anymore, you need to shut them off not the normal turn off like fully turn that bitch off. it's crazy and they can even keep yes KEEP your OWN PHONE that YOU PAID MONEY WITH. And guess what... they place it in the most gayest fucking envelope like evidence to your HORRIBLE and SATAN LIKE CRIMES for having your.. phone on.... yeah.. whatever.. bald guy lol. I never talked to a girl before because of how fucking shitty the school system here is, I never talked to a girl in a school ONCE NEVER, I understand why, they don't want cumstains in the bathroom but they taunt you if you're gay.. WHAT??????? they make fun of you for not having girls but make fun of you if you don't like girls anymore? Idk it's fucking stupid.

Maybe I should burn this town down or make a Killdozer 2.0? Maybe a way better verison, maybe learn the mistakes and flaws from the first one in 2004 by Marvin Heemeyer? God rest his soul 1951-2004 RIP. But I want to give the town my rage and stress over the decade and a half of being in a gloryhole of a place.

The only things that are helping me to not kill myself is the internet, spots, friends and games but some of these might be gone sooner or later like spots getting RUINED BY THE AMAZING FUCKING POLITICS HERE and some of my friends might go soon or abandoned me idk.

Life Is Strange 1 makes me feel that I'm in the US, like I fool myself that I'm there. Like I never gone to high school, only secondrary school, maybe I should become a janitor in a school in Illinois, not a creepy prevent pedo janitor nor a angry strict one like my janitors in my school ahaha. LiS lifts me kinda. Helps me really, the game is manageable no crazy 10 terabytes graphics that make your socks come off but the game looks actually beautiful, impactful and realistic with those oilpaints.

Anyway the moral of the story? I'm better off dead.

goodbye

M    D    Y

11/12/2024