I miss him so much

Almost 4 years ago I had a bf, for privacy reasons I'm just going to call him A or teddy, when we were dating me and him had got in a fight and it because I thought he was cheating, back then I was nieve, and really jealous, and that jealousy consumed me for many years because that night we got in a fight, I had told him not to talk to me anymore, and he didn't even get mad, he just told me he loved me, later that night he went out to the park with some of his friends to talk about it, and he d!3d, there was a drive by and he was hit, he bleed out there, and I feel so guilty because I didn't say I love you back or that I was sorry, and I woke up to a text for his grandmother saying he had passed and I didn't think it was true, but I looked on the news and it was true, there had been a drive by, and he did pass away, I still wanna believe it, I still didn't believe it, and I kept saying it wasent true, I kept calling him everyday, even after they shut his phone off, I kept looking for his socials, even after they had been replaced with "rest in peace and fly high" accounts with his name in the @, I only just let myself say it's true 2 months ago, and I feel so empty, I feel so alone without him, yk even a few weeks before he passed we were talking about getting promise rings, 2 weeks after he passed I got them in the mail, he had bought them without me knowing, and I still wear mine today, there's no day that goes by that I don't think about him, I morn him every hour, but he's not here anymore, and I still don't know how to deal with that.