Pure

I sat on the roof today, just listening to music and reflecting on the past, and thinking of the future. I don’t know what could be ahead of me, but I fear that it’s many bad things. I lost so much purity, because I wanted somebody to love me. I get shamed all the time by myself. I beat myself up for it. I hate thinking of it. I try to move on, but it’s not something you can just move on from. When I was younger, my mom and stepfather had an odd relationship. So I had nothing but to go off of that. I think of my future, and wonder, will I turn out like them? I hope not, I HATE what they had. They only started changing after my little brother was born, so he didn’t have to grow up with what I had to. Why did they wait so long. 

You know, I’ve had it rough, a long time. I wanted real love for a long time. I wanted to be held, and treated as a woman. I need to love myself first. I’ve been working on it, and honestly, I’m pretty proud on how far I’ve come. I just struggle on body dysmorphia, cause I’m overweight. I have lots of stretch marks on my body, I think they look so ugly. I have ugly feet, sausage fingers, thick neck, no jawline, and my double chin is getting better. I use to go to the gym, but we have no money to afford it anymore. 

I’m just rambling now, LOLZ. I needed a space to js ramble. 

Luv u lots!!! ^_^