Current state 01/666 - Online Diary read if u want

11/11/24 I figured I should make these as my life is constantly changing for the worse or better mostly worse ig this is kind of a online diary lol if spacehey ever gets taken down there goes my life jk I hope other people are in my boat or love reading these as I sure do.

Right now I don't have any friends irl, im in a relationship but until I get my license that practically is unobservable- my day to day doesn't involve school and only recently work which I believe will change some functions of my life a lot, to my point my day to day is wake up take my meds go on my computer do some school as I don't go to traditional high school and then after that just do nothing I play some video games but that gets boring after a while. I have siblings and I'd love to be bored and just play with them but they're all under 6 and one of their personalities is horrible I cant even speak or LOOK at him /srs. 

My day compromises of me in my room alone I've recently moved and with that move all my problems came with it. When you move as a youngling ie elementary or middle or hell even early high school you have potential to get ur life back on track, im 17 and a senior to a fucking online school, there is no interaction and even when I go outside I avoid it at all cost I do not want to be seen or looked at or approached. A weird revelation that has come to me is my work, as someone who struggles with hard social anxiety and have gone full days being with a group of "friends" and not speaking a word and crying, as someone who in my previous job didn't speak to anyone- its weird maybe its because my new job is accepting and has people who can be relatable I have a urge to befriend my co workers and be social? My job's primary work functions incredibly surround  being social its retail. I genuinely want to socialize and on my first day I was the fucking greeter lmao that job is talking to everyone that walks in?? Its weird to explain it but the place that my job is which im not disclosing-is like there's a bubble around it and inside the bubble I can be social and seriously thrive there as a worker and as a person. I bring that point up and speak on it a lot because why? why am I someone who is so alone and socially introverted WANTING to speak to people there? WANTING to make friends? My two theories are the following 1. Being alone is getting to me and this is like an opportunity to make friends and being alone has been so detrimental I cant miss this chance. And 2. Im simply changing I only have examples of how strictly introverted I am and when I speak to myself I consider my self a hard introvert but as of recently I could just be changing. This ^ will be a major talking about in my next current state update as that is a fucking revelation to just my life. Im writing a book at the moment currently also this is just the beginning of my offical diary If u look at my previous blog post you will still find stuff like this dating back to months :)