guys, I don't like my gender :(

I kind of settled with being genderfluid for a while, but I feel just.. half-assed, you know? Like im just a wannabe on both sides, forgot the dress code....

And im scared cause.. yeah I feel.. more comfortable when im being like a guy. but.. I don't think I even like girls romantically. I'm def not physically attracted to them.

so.. how can I want to be a guy.. when being one means I can't.. date a guy? I just.. it just hurts.

maybe it doesn't even matter. my dad says I just have to, go out more and ill get a boyfriend bla bla, but I've never been in a relationship. maybe I never will, and he's gaslighting me T_T then ill be single forever. BUT, then i could be a guy..

I just.. i don't feel like happiness would come as a single guy, far away from society, idling away.. or as a guy being loved by a guy. i want a relationship, but only as a girl with a guy. but I don't feel happy as a girl.

hlep