6:26am

dont read this im mad and its not my best work..

i cant sleep because I see what couldve been us when I close my eyes.
you stabbed me and you told me not to bleed, you put a cigarette between my lips and you told me not to smoke. I don't understand. nothing will ever be good enough for you.

sometimes I wonder if I'm alive just for you to torment me. I exist merely to be your little plaything. you probably enjoy that thought, don't you? the only thing you are is sadistic. you still talk about me but you cant say anything to my face.

was every "I love you" a lie, my beloved? what about when I held you when you cried and I kept you in my spirits whenever you were sad? did all of that mean nothing to you? was it fake?
everything I did for you and everything I gave up for you.

was it worth it? I hope it was, my dearest. everything youve done for the last 8 years almost feels intentional. I wonder if it was, I wonder if your feelings about me were sour even as we were kids in elementary school. what made you turn out like this? what happened to the kid with the wide smile and brown eyes that sat across from me in 1st grade? what happened? what happened.

whatever. I'll think about this again when I have to take my daily pills. sorry.