november 10 2024

it's about 9:30pm. i'm in bed a little late tonight. 

today really sucked but honestly also was pretty chill?? idk. i got into an argument with my mom and she kicked me out for the day. but i went into town and had a gyro for lunch and walked around the farmers market. i got some nice photos of the city and some ducks i found. and after that i visited the bookstore and got a copy of helter skelter, which has been on my list for a long time.

and i talked to a friend. no, i'm rethinking that title. he's.. well he's my ex-boyfriend - not the shitty edgy one i talked about on friday. i dated him last year. he was great. lives in texas now. we were friends in middle school.

anyways i don't really know how to refer to him. we still talk but we're not close anymore. i wish we were. i don't think he cares about me enough to call him a friend.

anyways i called him over discord. we listened to some music together. honestly it wasn't much of a conversation.

i'm still mourning our relationship a little bit. things were good. we were right for each other in a way that i haven't found with anyone else. conversation came so easily between the two of us. even when things got rocky we would fix it together. and i miss him.

he barely even talks to me directly anymore. it's ridiculous. coming from the guy that told me "we can't stop being friends, we've known each other for so long that it would be weird not to" i just... i don't get it, you know?

i don't know. i need to stop yapping about my relationships on here like nobody's gonna see it.

i hate winter. technically it's still fall but it feels like winter. it gets dark at 4:30 and you could freeze to death if you stay out past 6.

i miss living in california. it was always warm. though i do rather enjoy being able to go outside and see wildlife that's not seagulls, coyotes, or ground squirrels.

my mom used to work at disneyland, so we would always get season passes to visit. that is something i especially miss. we would go when my dad didn't have work. i remember really liking the pirates of the caribbean ride and the mark twain riverboat.

oh, and that argument i had with her this morning? that got resolved. it wasn't even really important. but thank god because i hate to argue with her. she always freezes me out.

anyways i should go to bed soon. it's not like i have school tomorrow but i hate sleeping in too late.