Introduction (very long)

So I wanted to make a simple introductory post. This blog here will most likely serve as my blog on neocitites as well.

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I go by Briar these days, but if you're one of my old friends stumbling upon this page then you'd know for most my teen/early years on the internet I went by Cera or MagnusKasady. I can't recall what my original GaiaOnline username was, but basically I've been living my entire life on the internet. 

As far as off the internet, I have a lot of hobbies and zero friends lol

I've always been a huge book nerd, and I still spend a lot of time reading. I also spent the entirety of my teen years writing fanfictions and roleplays on fanfiction.com and archiveofourown, and I still love to write, but I don't post any of it online anymore. I am currently working on a first draft of a horror novel inspired by Elden Ring. 

Which brings me to my first set of hyper-fixations xD My life revolves around Silent Hill and From Software games, Bloodborne being my favorite. I do own original copies of SH2 and 3 for the PS2, those games were my lifelines, played them so much I could do it in my sleep. And then very much the same happened for Bloodborne, it was my very first FromSoftware game I ever played, and it rewired my brain for sure. I've also been playing the Sims since its conception, and somewhere in storage I own all the original Sims2 CDs, DLCs included. As of right now I think I have like 10k hours in Sims 4 and I still play it regularly. 

As far as the social life...friends and social settings have always been hard for me. Of course as a child and teen, I just thought everyone around me hated me or that there was just something wrong with me that no one ever seemed to want to be around me. As an adult now, I've discovered I have AuADHD (a combination of autism and adhd), which is nice to know now, but man it would have been nice to know as a child lol. I also recently found out I have PCOS and PMDD, which are hormonal disorders that exacerbate ADHD a lot, making my symptoms even worse. I grew up in a very bad home, neglected, abused, brainwashed by a narcissistic Christian woman-hating man and all that, so I never learned any proper social skills til I was like 25. Which was super weird. But anyways. 

As a younger person I was extremely overbearing to any friends that I did have, due to my crippling abandonment issues, which unfortunately lead to most my friends leaving me because I was "obsessive" and I even got labeled a stalker more than once(which still breaks my heart every time I think about it). But I lacked any understanding of why they felt that way, which only caused me to be even more overbearing in any attempt to "fix" why they didn't want to be friends. So that pushed people away even more and just left me labeled as some weird freak. This only crippled my social skills even more and at about 20/21 years old I became a drug-addicted shut-in...

I spent the next 8 years in a tiny rented room, rarely stepping outside for anything at all, never speaking to literally anyone, and hooked on Xanax off the street. Naturally you can imagine where this lead...I eventually had a psychotic break, with full on hallucinations, and I attempted on my life. This wasn't the first time, my first attempt had actually also been with drugs at 15. Honestly, between my childhood and that time of my early 20's, I don't know what was worse. But I survived both attempts, for whatever reasons, and after a lot of fucking therapy, several diagnosis, and a complete life change, I can say with my whole chest I am happier than ever and at peace within my life. 

I'm also married, which is not something I ever expected to happen. xD But he is my best friend, and I think he saved me and gave me even more of a reason to live. We also have 2 cats; Akira who is now 9 and has been with me through everything and was my only companion through my shut-in years, and Tsuki who is only 2 and was a little street rat rescue. 

Because of the social issues and then becoming a shut in, I had never dated, not as a teen and rarely as an adult. I had maybe one short relationship at 20, right before locking myself up lol. So trying to date for the first time as a severally stunted and mentally ill 27 year old was really weird, and naturally all my overbearing and obsessive behaviors came right back and caused a lot of issues in the beginning. But for the first time in my life I had someone who wanted to be with me no matter what, and for the first ever in my life I had someone who was patient and willing to do whatever needed to help me. None of my parents ever did that for me. So of course it was life changing. Now we've been together 5 years <3 AND I've learned how to make friends as an adult at my job, and have normal relationships xD So I'm doing pretty good. 

ANYWAYS. That's probably enough yapping for now. I'll def make a whole blog post about all my special interests and hyper-fixations cuz there's a lot, but they are always fun to talk about :3 

Me and the husband are serious sushi addicts :P

BYE NOW! <3