distance mother rant tw/ fake shooting metioned

Is it controversial to say every kid deserves parents but not every parent deserves kids, because I sure think so. I don’t know where my parents stand in my perspective. I'm happy there are my parents but sometimes I don’t think my mom is happy I'm her kid. Right now I'm listening to my mom trying to calm my sister down from a panic attack that she caused and let her anger out during.  She feels cold. She loves to talk about how she could have just gone away and left us to our dad.  I wonder if that was the first thing she wanted to do after her divorce from my dad. Can’t really blame my mom, my dad  abused her for years; she just hates emotions that aren't her own. I recall being upset about being bullied and not wanting to go to school. I started crying. I was scared to go to school. She just looked at me. Her eyes felt so dark not a single emotion in her at that moment. All she said to me was “Stop crying”.She wasn't trying to comfort me she was just trying to stop a disturbance in her calm morning. I was just so disturbed by this that I walked to the car and didn't speak to her for 2 days. Despite being so cold she will always take my sister's side. I do feel bad for her though they always seem to be fighting. I think she takes her side because she doesn’t like dealing with my sister's anger. It's just more simple to single out the child that hates confrontation(aka me). During middle school we had a dance. I was excited for it that night , but when we got there the only things I heard besides the terrible music were people whispering about a school shooting rumor. This made me feel nervous and kept me on alert every time I came up to a friend. The first thing they would say to me is”did you hear there is a shooting threat at the dance” later in the night i was sitting outside the dance room in the cafeteria area . Suddenly I heard a loud boom and then a bunch of people ran out the dance room screaming” he had a gun”. At that moment all I could think about was “were these my final moments"” is he behind me?”. I got to a safe place and called my mom. Asked her to come pick me up she said she would be there. I was so worried I was scared my friends were hurt. But when my moms car pulled up. My sister started laughing at me calling me an idiot. Apparently they were just fireworks. I tried to explain my perspective but she just kept shutting me down and saying I deserved this scare. I thought my mom would come to my rescue. ,But She just stayed silent. I didn't ask my family for help much more after that . You know, earlier when I said my dad was abusive toward my mom, well sometimes I feel like the worst person in the world because I feel more safe around my dad then my mother. My dad was the first adult in my life to actually comfort me. I feel more safe around him he doesnt get mad at me for tapping my foot when nervous like my mom does and if he says something that makes me upset he apologizes. If i had a choice i would live with him 

.Maybe I'm just being dramatic.