the paradoxical nature of self love (when you're deranged)

I've worked so hard to become self sufficient, to carry all the love I need within me. I really do love myself, I think I'm cool and kind and hot and funny - to be so real in an ideal world I'd have a clone and we'd marry each other and have crazy hot tranny sex.

so why do i feel so lonely???

i need an observer, an admirer, i crave to be someone's muse. I want someone who will notice if I don't come home, who will care. I want to share my food and home with someone, go on spontaneous little adventures to 7/11 in the middle of the night.

what's the point of being so lovable if nobody loves me?

it is really so much to ask for someone to be absolutely obsessed with me? I'm so obsessable

a weird eclectic t-boy with a fat ass, cool hair, and strange hobbies. a skilled artist, a sweetie and a really good cook. man i've got everything, just observe me. admire me. obsess over me. wonder about me. try to figure me out. teach me things about myself i have yet to learn. desire me.

i also crave to be challenged. don't just tell me everything you think i want to hear, argue with me. prove me wrong. push me to admit defeat.

let's strengthen each other, we'll be unstoppable insane losers who's every thought reeks of the other.

anyway, i need to eat dinner, i'll feel better after that