november 8 2024

it is almost 5:30 pm and i am very tired. this week has been mostly boring and i have done almost nothing of value with my time besides homework. 

at least i am doing okay in my classes.

i have a memorial to go to tomorrow afternoon. it is for the same person that died last month. the choir was asked to sing a song he liked.

on the happier side of things lately, i have made a few new friends! there is one boy i met on halloween night who gave me his phone number and suggested that we play minecraft sometime. he seems quite nice. :)

i think i may start cooking and baking more. i enjoy doing so already but i would like to contribute more often. perhaps i will make a bread or some kind of pastry for breakfast!

apparently my ex boyfriend got into a fight recently. ever since i broke up with him he has become very " edgy " and aggressive. it's a bit frightening frankly. i knew he cared about me but i wonder how much of it was just because i made him feel better about himself? he was angry at me for "dumping him in a ditch" but... is that better than staying in a relationship where the other person isn't interested anymore?

how small of him.

it's even stranger that he would say that when i had a great number of other reasons for breaking up with him.

• he was very serious, talking about marriage and a future and all kinds of things i don't think i can commit to right now.
• and he made a great deal of things about sex, which was off-putting and downright disgusting at times.
• he very openly disliked almost all of my friends, making fun of them in front of me often. it was strange. in most instances i think it was either jealousy that i was friends with other men or just straight queerphobia [which was really a huge red flag - i should have broken up with him for that alone]

i don't know. perhaps i should stop dating. lately it's been more a problem than a source of happiness for me.