Diary from a psychiatric hospital patient.

Day 2

I am back on the same spot on the floor as I was yesterday, if you're wondering why the same spot, its because there is only one outlet and my laptop that is over 10 years old will not work without being connected to the charger, but today I come armed with unlimited data and without the fear that the internet will die in the middle of me uploading this.

7am up bright and early, I hate hospital lights, I already suffer from insomnia, and being here I am sure I am not the only one who does, so tell me why does this place not have light switches in the individual rooms, and instead its automated lights, at around 6am, when it is still dark outside the inside lights turn on, and it is not only in the halways, no it is in each room, great. At 3 pm the big lights turn on, now this is not much of an issue as at this point I am mostly awake and somewhat functioning, and at around 7pm these big lights turn off and the "small" lights turn on instead, and they do. Not. Turn.Off. And i cannot turn them off, they go off on their own well into the night, who does this, it should be considered torture.

Today was a lot less eventful, mostly a lot of sleeping, or trying to sleep. See today they hooked me up to a system to give me magnesium, the issue is that magnesium makes me extremely sleepy, so I have not been able to keep my eyes open for more then half an hour this entire day, why they did not give me this 30 minutes before bed time ill never know I suppose.

The other patients here are starting to realize I also exist, one of them even talked to me today (tho it was only to offer me a cookie that I declined), the nurses are interesting, not the kind I'm used to, I'm used to the mean ones, the ones who sigh and groan when you asked them to show you where the bathroom is, these ones do not do that, they make sure I'm okay, wake me up for breakfast, lunch (which looked like school lunch that has been sitting outside for a few days today), and make sure you have all you need.

I have not ventured out to the showers yet, uncharted territory I'm afraid to enter, if the toilet has no locks does that mean the shower has no walls? Communal shower where I am naked for all to see? I am in the female section of the ward, its only us girls but I do not like to be perceived in that way, so the shower is left for another day. I do not sweat much while here anyway.

The book im reading seems like a badly written fanfiction, now I know I'm no writer but I do not understand how this book made it into our countries official book club reading thingy.

Now I am chronically ill (see other blogs) so I've been to a lot of hospitals, a lot of doctors and had a lot of tests done, my mom decided I need to bring the folder of all my medical tests and history to this place so my attending doctor could look it over, and look over it she did, I wonder what she will say about it tomorrow, or if ill see her tomorrow.

I have not talked to anyone about the issues I'm having yet, so far they are only shoving drugs down my throat and magnesium in my veins, I have to remember to ask my doctor what the treatment plan is going to be, cus so far there is none. All I've done is sleep for hours on end.

We will see what tomorrow brings.