Actually the loneliest person alive lol..

Never ever post on here but I cannot stop thinking of this and randomly remember I have this account lmao. 

But it truly hit me how I have nobody, don't get me wrong I have friends even someone I consider a best friend. But I'm not their friend or best friend(I'll call her May in this). My so-called best friend is a girl I've known since first grade, great yes, but we rarely hang out. When we do we get blackout drunk and it's because her sister asked her to invite me, she never answers my text messages so I don't bother to text her anymore unless it's important. This year I wanted to do something with her for Halloween, we did something with our group then she did what I wanted us to do with her best friend. 

As for 'our' group, I constantly invite the other two girls for sleepover parties(which we do at May's house all the time) and nobody ever spends the night. Only one of them ever even shows up, the other always cancels. Yet they claim to be my friends too. I never know what is going on in May's life anymore, half the time I feel like my presence annoys her:/

I don't have anybody else to hang out with, the occasional party with them is the only social interaction I get with people my age. I'm homeschooled, senior year, and have been since I was a freshman. I have old friends on social media who have reached out to check on me, but no interest in hanging out with me again. 

My mom and sister only like me when I can do something for them, if I can't then all of a sudden I'm a bitch and a bad person. The rest of my family is a long long story. 

All I do is school, clean, work. school, clean, work. It's a never-ending cycle in my life, half the time I'm in my room rotting away with these same thoughts and so so much more on my mind. I'm just very tired of it all, I never thought I'd be here like this but I feel like I have no purpose.

basically me rant rant rant ranting loll, if you read that I am VERY sorry don't mind me I needed to get that out