Contemplating the end

I really don't know what to do, I don't have anyone around I trust. Not only that but I just can never seem to speak out about how I'm feeling, I'm was afraid of the reaction, the rejection. I thought I could handle it, I thought I was strong enough to carry the load on my own but lately its been getting too much for me. I've been quieter but my mind rages with wild thoughts I can't seem to silence, I've been breaking down randomly and even showing cracks in public. Asking my mom is completely out of the question since she absolutely hates me. I really need to silence my mind and there's only one way I can think of doing it. I know I shouldn't but it sounds so peaceful, care free.