not my biggest flex but

i am REALLY good at causing drama, fights and standing up for myself. ive had a lot of traumatic experiences and now looking back ive realized all those things tht happened in the past only made me more confident??? but not exactly confident? like usually when i get defensive its out of fear that im gonna get hurt again but also not exactly fear. like i really dont care but i also dont wanna go through anything bad.

after i openly talked down on someone i hate one of my friends told me that they envy me because i can say whatever i want without worrying about the consequences and that was a really huge ego boost for me. throughout my whole life i was mute because i never felt comfortable with talking to other people so im kinda slow/not good at talking and figuring out what to say on the spot, so having such a compliment was REALLY something i needed. im actually getting better at socializing?? honestly i cant wait until i go to highschool because not only will i have a fresh start but also this is my attempt at socializing, finding a group of people that i ACTUALLY like, and finding out how im like in general.