This days wasnt that good

I had difficult days through the past month.
I have a type of girlfriend/lover a little bit under my age. She has school and has very good grades and she is slowly starting to get some friends. In my case, I just dropped Electronical Engineering cause I wasnt capable of keeping it up. 
I dont think Im lazy tho, I read a lot about politics, business, and often Im surrounded with writing and learning a lot of different stuff.
I think that Im her emotional support as she always say to me, but its sadly to announce that her "emotional support" is a little bit down right now.

One saturday she went to a party. Im so freakin autistic so I dont really like going partys. Is so disturbing to my brain and to my senses. I usually get sensely threathed about the people out there and the interactions. I feel those party like a sense of danger.

When she was so happy about her, I feel kind of bad. I didnt know exactly why. I even think that it was cause of jealousy or some kind of toxic behaviour from me. I feel sooooo baaaad, I started to hate myself to have that kind of reactions

A talk with hear fixed it all, she just told me how she feels and I tell her too.
Anyway, that thing was fixed with a lot of other things that I don want to tell right now.

The main thing here is to say that my main issue this week was solved. And now I feel bad again, I dont even know why. Sometimes I feel that Im doing it in purpose.

I tried so hard to talk to people online but the online friendships are so freaking hard. They often dont answer or they just ghosted me everytime. I dont even think that im a bad guy, Im usually very nice and I often help to people. But those things are not things that I can decide to say to myself.

Anyway, Im kinda alone and I just really want to talk to someone and say how I am doing during the day so... if you want to contact me, write me in xxxfedexxx996@gmail.com.

Love you all, I think