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I'm a little unsure about posting this blog. It feels odd to put my feelings onto such a public space when nobody knows who I am. Maybe that's for the best. It'd be kinda creepy if you knew who I am lol.Â
I feel bad most days.
When I feel hurt, it eats me alive and I can physically feel my emotions coursing through my body. It's unpleasant, like when you have to sneeze but it never comes up, or no matter what you do to stop your tears, they still happen. I contain my hurt the best I can, but I'm human and can only contain so much. I never feel truly happy, and unless I get help then it's possible I never will. My mood depends completely on the people around me. One mishap, one slightly off tone, one dirty look, will destroy me. My actions and thoughts will revolve solely around how hurt I feel. I don't know why this happens.Â
The worst part about it is when the people I'm closest to are the ones who trigger it. It's incredibly draining and sometimes my pain feels invalid. I feel like a monster for how I react to things and how I treat others after my mood has been affected. Maybe someday I'll change and learn to control it. Maybe someday I'll be as unbothered as I wish I were, and you won't have to walk on eggshells around me. Until then, I'm sorry.
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m0rty
sometimes its nice to make blog posts even when they get no traction, it's better to externalize what you are feeling than hold it in.
i know how it feels to have your emotions all built up in that way, like a pot always on the verge of boiling over and spilling at the slightest nudge. what i did was put music on and reflect on my life, think of whats making me feel this way and how i can avoid it. your thing doesn't have to be music, it could be writing, or drawing, or whatever. find some way to express your pain and get it out of you. and i'm sure you will find happiness. it was stolen from you, which means it is still out there for you to find.