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i stayed home from school today, but this is really jsut a blog about things i have done recently or how i have felt.
anyway, recently me and my best friend have felt weird around each other. it's been tense, but in a "i don't know if we're gonna be friends anymore way." i love her a lot, and she's the first best friend i've had that i feel i can trust for the most part. over the past month we've been talking a lot, and we found out the main reasons have been miscommunication and me overthinking, and i'm glad she told me because i know i have a habit of doing that a lot and i'm working on it now. so... i think we're gonna be okay. i hope so. she's been trying to talk to this boy and i can't help but feel... jealous? i think it's because im afraid of her leaving me once she meets any old stupid boy like everyone does when they're older, and the fact that i dont want to age. i want to be her friend forever. i want her to be happy, yes, but i just feel bad because i feel negatively towards her chasing something she wants... :(. i liked this boy recently, too, but he lives in texas and told me he wanted someone close by even though he thought i was cute... i can't help but feel sad because i think he's very pretty.
i don't wanna grow up. im almost 18, got accepted into college, but i dont have a car or my license or have ever had a job. i just feel so.. behind. i want my temps but my mom wont even let me until i get a job but nowhere will hire me!!! i apply everywhere, but i cant even get a single place to call back even after I call!!! i just want my license :( i feel bad asking everyone to drive me everywhere and i feel like a child, im the only one in my school it seems that doesnt have it yet. i just waste my days away playing video games or watching youtube or drawing because i dont have a job so i can't do anything.
but, i dont want to leave this on a bad note. i just watched a movie recently that changed the way i view things, and i am happy for what i have now: friends who love me and will be honest with me, and i now realize i have to take initiative for my own life if i want to go anywhere. i may try to get a sticker maker and set up an etsy or get a cashapp... i have like no money and my mom won't let me get a bank account yet either. i dont wanna go to school tomorrow but i'm also looking forward to it at the same time, i want to see my friends. anyway, i hope you all have a good day ..!
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NELLY!!
That feeling of "I need to grow" usually comes from other people's pressure and expectations on you, I think. But really, you just gotta be yourself.
18 is just a number. You grow every day, and that’s totally fine.
don’t want to be rude or get into your life, it’s just my opinion.
by NELLY!!; ; Report
no youre correct!! i struggle with thinking i havent grown because i have a bad day or two but if i look back on it i am much happier than i was before. i know my life is different from others so i shouldnt feel ashamed of progress but when society moves so fast its hard to feel like im not stuck behind a fence that's too tall for me to climb over
by Panda; ; Report