★ blog entry 001 - adulthood ☣︎

erm so this is probably going to be a very long entry brace yourself

⤶ back to the directory :3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

hi so as i said before i am 18 and a failure of an art student. im also a countryside boygirly so moving in to the city was like. a big big change. it really felt like a cheesy slice of life anime. at least its a city that i know and that i like, and i still see my mom on the weekends sometimes. i definitely needed to get away from home, i love my mom don't get me wrong but i knew i couldn't handle one more year living with her 24/7.

so erm here i am in my new room in a city with a cat (not mine) (he's just there sometimes). it feels pretty weird tbh to have my own space. its pretty trashy and theres two hatsune miku poster and a shinji figure. but its home. i always call it home, and im very fond of it now.

what i didn't know was how hard it would be to live like an adult. i knew that with depression and all i'll have to really remember to take showers and basic hygiene and all. but then the first day i went 24h without drinking water (only drank because a friend came over and offered me a monster energy drink, i drank water after that). other thing is how fucking tiring it is to cook. and by cooking i mean making basic pastas or instant noodles (my diet along with grilled cheese toasts). but at least i eat every day  3 times a day.

then theres artschool. so i came to the realization that im so late and i have so little knowledge about art compared to the rest of my class. like dont get me wrong, i love art and i love my ocs, but i was mainly doodling when they were making masterpieces. i love doodles. then i realized that even since elementary school i was the art kid and everyone wanted me to do an art school but its just that i love drawing but i don't know if i want to do that as a job. i don't know what i want to do as a job in fact. so my artschool first year is divided in two semesters, and during the second one we have to choose a speciality between illustration (including 2d animation), 3d and graphic design and the problem is like. i dont fuckugn know. im interested by all three and i want to learn all three. if i continue in this school i would have to be in it for 4/5 years but im really considering dropping out. at least i feel like rn my art is improving at an astonishing pace (not that much) (and im still far behind the rest of my class)

okay so that was sad im gonna talk about friends now. and love. yay.