November 4, 2024 (8:54 PM)

About several months ago or so, there was this activity we had to do for an event which was to socialize with people in school so that we'd be able to make friends with the newcomers or something. Kind of like a speed-date except it's just getting to know other people. I wasn't really up to the task to talk to them but I mustered up the courage to at least try to socialize and make friends with the newcomers. 

There was this girl that I got to talk to, which was surprising to me because most of the time I don't do well with talking to women because I'm afraid of judgement and I'm mostly anxious (this actually applies to anyone that I'm talking to). 

I asked her what her favorite music genre was and she said midwest emo. Really? Out of all the genres, it's midwest emo? I was excited to hear that someone in my school actually listens to that sappy, mopey music genre other than me. I asked her which bands she liked and she replied with Modern Baseball. I remember hearing that band playing over my dad's car radio one time, it was real nice so her answer really shook me to the core. I then asked if she knows about American Football or Title Fight and she said yes. At that point I wanted to know her more, I really wanted to be friends with her because she was really interesting.

Unfortunately, like how the world balances good and bad luck, the timer rings and we had to swap people to talk to again. I didn't even get to tell her my name.

A few months had passed and we had our first club meetings at school. Luckily, I actually got the chance to introduce myself not only to her but to a couple more people so that I could make friends with other people as well. After the meeting she went up to me and asked me if I was the guy that talked to her about Modern Baseball and American Football during the event and I replied yes. She told me she was surprised that someone listens to them as well and I gave her a thumbs up.

A thumbs up.

A. Thumbs. Up.

Are you fucking kidding me? A thumbs up? Couldn't you at least have held the conversation a bit longer? It ended there and there and we didn't talk to each other ever again after that. I'm pretty disappointed in myself for letting it end there and there. I had this feeling in my gut that I could've started becoming more social at that point but I just froze at the thought and excitement that I couldn't say a word in front of her. Oh silly me.

If you're reading this, I just want to tell you that you're really interesting and I hope that we can chit-chat about our interests (or anything at all) again.