Where to next?

Gods, life has been so weird lately...

Life in your twenties was supposed to be carefree and fun, "This is the best years of your life!" and all that. I guess I am having some fun, but the looming future is too shadowy for my liking. >w<

I have this boy friend, he's older than me so has obviously lived more life than me. He's so driven, so bright eyed for the potential of whats to come. It makes me feel bad in a way. He's always pushing me to think about the future, to imagine what I want my life to look like, to make goals and work towards them everyday. I should be incredibly grateful for him. Well, I am grateful for him.

I've spent the last ten years of my life worried and scared for what's to come and im still scared, it's just that now im scared for tomorrow instead of just years from now. 

I want to be productive, do great things, work towards a life that I want.. It just feels so unobtainable.