missing someone when you know they probably don't miss you

i literally havent thought about them for months I just randomly did last night and its not a constant thing but its lingering

I don't even have anyone to tell because honestly I think its my seasonal depression but I DONT feel like talking to anyone or hanging out unless were really close idk why like I love people but sometimes I just cant do it and right now I feel like that idk I'm not even sad or anything I'm just like errrr idk how to explain

I cant even say I miss them I don't know how I feel, is that bad? I never know how I feel honestly maybe its because its November now I'm sure the feeling will pass eventually to be honest we weren't even that close idk how they felt when we stopped talking all I know is I was LOSINGGGGG IT I don't do well losing people or things idk man idkkkk I wish I could talk to someone and they don't even have to relate dead ass I just want someone to know ykw I do miss them bro like not as much as last year but yeah I kinda miss them kinda its ok to admit it I just hope shes doing ok now, she seemed happy the last time we spoke which was in june