ranting about best friend :P

I have NOWHERE else to rant abt this because if I rant to it abt friends then they r gonna be like "vro js say it at this point"

(Will NOT be revealing who crush is, respecting privacy, simply just ranting!)

But holy. Is it bad to think that one of my best friends r like. Super DUPER cute? I broke up with my ex, yes, and frankly, personal reasons, I do NOT want him back. He was a good friend but, as a partner I wouldn't think so. But my friend, offered to kinda like yk help me heal, and I appreciate it so much, but it's like. Jesus christ this BOYYY. he's said things to me that absolutely nobody has ever said, not even exes, not even family and its CRAZY. I've been in love before sure but this boy? I would love to stay best friends and know him more, just incase anything happens I know this is a boy I can trust, but holy guacamoley. Jesus christ man I can't keep up wearing these socks anymore, he makes me so happy. I don't think I gave a crush(?(maybe?)(maybe in denial)), but I know he makes me happy and feel something I never have before.

EDIT: it's gotten worse chat

2 EDIT: OK, I have like NO idea what he wants either, so now I'm worried if im doin something wrong or not, I may just wait it out and wait until im, feeling better, and not worried, but I do know he has flirted with me alot, and, man do I LOVE it, but I don't know what he wants at all, it's like mixed signals so AGH (and, found out he's on spacehey, chat I MAY be cooked if he possibly sees this.)

3RD EDIT: oh so that dude may be a bit of a flirt 

4TH EDIT: HE SAW. RUN GUYS. RUN

5TH EDIT: ok. chat how do you. like. oh my god. i swear ive never met anybody like him. what do you mean i met somebody thats so,, COOL? like him? i swear sometimes hes just so chill, so sweet, so caring andgrhfrhhfr. its hard to explain. whenever im hugely attracted to somebody i focus on their voice and i study it and he has such a unique voice. i dont understand. gen. i love listening to him yap, i love listening to him rant about stuff and just talk and exist in general. his stupid cute face and everything abt him makes me mad because its so CONFUSING to think how does someone genuinely attractive cant see how attractive they are? now i can understand how people feel when they go like "oh ur so pretty wdym?' like. :CC wdym he doesnt see what i see? hes so caring too. oh and hes also respectful and hes justgrhrhr. plus he can sing and play guitar?? talented boy dude. :3, I would TOTALLY play with him one day. and id love too? such a cool guy both platonically and romantically. Its also his personality? i cant explain it hes just so. animated. like hes. you dont understand hes so ANIMATED. and hes so funny too/ "Ouh rats his couuo,chie!!" - victor/hj 

hes just a amazing person. comforting. im just scared im doing way too much. what if im competely being way too clingy? what if im absolutely weird to him? what if everything hes saying isnt true? maybe it isnt, maybe it is. having abandoment issues ontop of anxiety and paranoia sucks, including when u meet someone ur gen so interested in to where u study him in ur own head. i dont know what to say, nor do i know what to do. and i mean dude i was caught red handed, hes most likely gonna see this so why not continue knowing he prob feels half of what im feeling for him?

i assoicate fall out boy songs with me n him. is that weird? "where is ur boy tonight?", "bang the doldrums". ESPICALLY bang the doldrums. i heavily assoicate it with us and i jsjsjr, i dont KNOW. im deeply inlove and it hurts. even songs that dont even match us. "i dont care", "headfirst slide", "sixteen candles", etc etc. :P i js imagine us performing n makin music together! hes the first best friend ive ever had that i can gen be romantic with and thats awesome! i dont know if i want a relationship? but i know im heavily inlove.

ill never forget the one time we were hangin out in ponytown. jokin about stuff, when i suddenly mentioned him being my "friend" he got rlly, yk, sad. a huge change in mood. right in that moment i realized something was mutual and oh god how excited i felt. i know since day one he was just awesome? i dont know. the second day of being friends with eachother i was kinda following vro around, if i recall he was following back? i dont know! he was just :^ i dunno bein a silly guy?? a cool lil dude?? hard to explain, but i totally knew he was gonna be one of my bestest friends.

one of my favorite convos we had is when we were talkin about how pete wentz HATESSSSSSSSSSS poor people/j, then that convo somehow turned into me and him talkin abt other stuff like, gemstones, when i found out we both liked gemstones i remember my exact reaction. jumpin up in the air. kickin feet. rollin around. this was before i was deeply inlove, but i was still excited with gettin to know him! each day i dont know. hes so special to me and each day my feelings get deeper and deeper.

6TH EDIT: I have gen never been more worried or concerned for anybody in my life. Maybe it's me, maybe I'm overthinking, but I'm so worried for him. He seems like he's kinda struggling and, he doesn't even have to tell me anything. whenever we do something together I try my whole best to be funny and gentle to him, because for some reason i feel like there's something goin on with him. and oh, how much do I care for him. I hope hes gonna be okay, but I will try my best to be a comforting person for him, and I'm already trying my best to be that. He's js, such an amazing person, he doesn't deserve any of that. :( I don't know. I'm worried.

7TH EDIT: "Well I guess nobody's appreciated you enough." .....are we. ..........what are we? 

8TH EDIT: last night was CRAZZZZZY.