[//nov:03:2023//]

if everything i do progressively ends up taking me here again, i don't see a real reason to keep trying. somehow i will always end up here, in a hole, i start from zero, meeting new people that will end up moving away from me after a few months, i will feel empty again and i will move away from everyone, spending time and feelings, spending important parts of me, for things that are not reciprocated and never will be. what is the point of continuing to exist if every night i am alone again, i don't find reasons that make me necessary for others, much less do i feel like someone who belongs somewhere, it was always like that, and I thought i had accepted it, but it was an open wound that still hurts. what is the reason to keep waking up if nobody will come to see me, nobody will comfort me and nobody needs to be near me, nobody needs my affection, nobody is proud of me. i will never get to love myself as i have loved other people, and those people will never love me the way i needed. i want to blame somebody, i want to hide and run away again like a coward, but the remorse will always come and the loneliness will feel so much worse, because i have failed again, i will sink deeper in my misery.